From Purpose to Providence

When I was in my late teens, making important decisions about my career and life goals, I remember waiting with eager anticipation for the moment when the clouds would part and I would receive a divine revelation of what my path would be. I believed that there was a God, that He had a wonderful plan for my life, and that if I sought after Him then the plan would be revealed.

I also believed, deep beneath the patina of religion, that the longings of my heart would be satisfied by a challenging, rewarding career and a perfect wife, and that any residual angst would be mopped up by a Mercedes-Benz convertible.

When my fervent prayers for guidance seemed to fall on deaf ears, I would vacillate between anger and fear. See, the deal I had with the Almighty was that if I did things He liked, then He'd do things I liked. Anger that God wasn't holding up His end of the bargain, and fear that I didn't (and couldn't) fulfill my obligations, were things that I stuffed down so that I could focus on school, work, and a social life. 

A sense of injustice is the first step on the road to victimhood. It keeps the question of one's own responsibilities on the back burner. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick," says the Proverb. My hope for stuff was deferred for a long time, and I was nauseated. The problem was, my hunger for stuff was based on a faulty premise- that stuff would satisfy. Here's a hint- it doesn't. 

Giving my longing for stuff a religious window dressing didn't help much. Not only did it conceal the problem- longing for 'purpose' was biblical, right?- but it was offensive to the One who had already freely offered the most precious gift of all: Himself. It reminds me of Tim Keller's conversation with a little girl in his congregation. When he asked, "don't you know that the king of the universe suffered, died, and rose again so that you could be together with Him forever?" And she responded with "well, yeah, but what good is that if you can't get a date?"

C.S. Lewis makes a similar point: 

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."


What would our lives look like if we really, truly grasped the awesome reality that we are the redeemed of the Lord? That we are ever before Him, and that our names are written on His hands?

That's why I've given up on praying for God to reveal my purpose. It's too much. I wouldn't understand it if it was revealed. And if I didn't find it to my liking, I would almost certainly work to undermine it.

What am I doing instead? I'm praying that the Lord would use my experiences, my reading, my study of scripture, my relationships, and all the other things that constitute a life, to form me into a man after His own heart. Psalm 105 says "look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." Our Lord Himself said "seek first the kingdom of heaven, and all these things will be added to you."

Instead of asking the Lord for the tools and resources to be my own boss, I'm asking for a change in my heart that makes me more receptive to His authority.

What does a recon marine need more: a "situation room", with maps, video screens, live intelligence, and fast access to world leaders and analysts, or his rifle and radio?

All that stuff is necessary to his success, but it's not realistic for him to carry it all with him. It's too bulky to deploy on the front line. The vital thing is his ability to defend himself and take the fight to the enemy, and his link to his HQ. That means his two most important tools are his rifle and his radio.

As believers, our offensive and defensive capability is our knowledge and application of scripture to our thoughts, words, and actions. And our radio is prayer. Do those two things better and you'll get a lot closer to "purpose" than you realize.

That's short shrift, I know. But I hope to expand on those things at a later date, Good Lord willing.

Until then, give this some thought and comment or argue if you want.